YouTube Confidential

I've been toying with the idea of amassing all my favourite YouTube clips together as one big post for some time now. As journalist Miska Rantanen said in a Helsingin sanomat column a while back, the whole YouTube concept is almost too good to be true, which naturally leads one to doubt its future existence. But, then again, as P2P music sharing programs have shown us, if you stomp one to the ground (Napster, primarily - which isn't technically a P2P but anyway), a dozen new ones will sprout up like a bunch of pesky weeds.

If you know me, you've probably seen some of these, but not all, and, anyways, it's good to have them nice and handy in one place. So, let's dive straight in.

Starting off with a YouTube classic, it's the phenomenon of pure craziness that is usually known as "Tom Cruise", or Krazy Kruise, if you're feeling extra chummy. Be forwarned, though: seeing this might actually make your head spin like Linda Blair's in The Exorcist.

The famous interview on Oprah where he went completely fucking bonkers sadly cannot be found anywhere, but this will give you some kind of idea.

And there's always this; The Cruiser, South Park-style.

Enough about him already. Let's get down to some heavy lifting. Here for your enjoyment, a double whammy, literally. Pure genious. And to think that no one had any idea...

(Remember kids, if the videos stall, press pause and let them stream for a while, then press play again.)

Now that we've gotten down to some quality music, it will probably behoove us to keep that course. Remember Eddie Murphy? He used to be one of the biggest comedians alive, a generational icon who commanded millions of bucks for his movie roles. Now he's marrying the Spice they used to call Scary. 'Nuff said. If you desire an explanation for his career downfall, go here and here. Both clips are instant classics for a number of reasons which will become very clear once you see the videos.

I realize David Hasselhoff videos are kinda played out when it comes to unintentional comedy, but everyone still needs this in their lives. And here Germany's adopted son "needs a glass of wasser".

Alrighty, let's change gears for a bit. Back when The Hills was just a twinkle in some prepubescent TV exec's eye, there was this. Coke addiction, blown up dads and real-life knife attacks ensued.

Then, completely and utterly unrelated, here's Vesku Loiri's "Naurava kulkuri", which has in the past provided us with endless laughs during many an after-party. Also, as my friend once remarked, it served to separate the wheat from the chaff when it came to people - basically, the ones who got it were cool, and the ones who didn't were a bit stuck-up, too tied up in their own hipsterishness (now, there's a word for you). And by the way, if you're not Finnish, don't even bother. Or, then again, do. It just might not translate awfully well.

And on the same note, there once was Spede. He's dead now, you know. Died in a golfing accident.

Now that Miami Vice has been made into a sour-faced blockbuster starring you-know-who and Ray Charles, I thought it'd be worth linking to some clips that remind us what the show really was about - the 80s, of course. In that regard, this is pretty hard to top, and it's dubbed in German, too. As an added bonus, here's a Philip Michael Thomas video. Really.

There would be much, much more, but this post already has a lot of stuff, so I'm pulling the reins here. I'll probably post another edition some time in the future.

PS. There's a movie version of Borat coming out pretty soon. (Okay, admittedly, I mostly brought this up to be able to include the picture below.)

Grumbler Goes to the Movies

Or rather catches up on some age-old stuff everyone's seen anyway. I've been pretty lazy when it comes to watching movies as of late, so these really are a batch of the same ol' same ol' for anyone who watches movies on a regular basis. I'll be keeping it short.

First off is Woody Allen's magnificent Match Point, a wondrously ice-cold morality tale that genuinely is (and I'm well aware that the same has been said about nearly all of his films for at least a decade and a half - except for, probably, this turd) his best work for years and years. Just when it seemed the nags' and naysayers' prophecies of his artistic demise might actually come to pass, he pulled this unflinching and utterly classy beast out of his hat. Makes you wish he concentrates what energy he has left in that frail body of his on making drama films - his comedy chops have obviously retired before the man himself. I wouldn't hesitate to call Match Point an unexpected classic.

Stephen Gaghan's Syriana I also quite liked. For a Hollywood movie, it is totally uncompromising in its approach of looking at the complexities of the oil industry through multiple partially interweaving storylines. As everyone probably knows, Gaghan wrote Traffic, and Syriana shares much with that film, yet is even more hardcore in its unwillingness to simplify the intricacies of the economic and political aspects of the oil game. You will leave the movie with one overriding thought, though: the American establishment, as always, sucks enormous frigging ass.

And here's another critics' favorite: first-time director Mike Mills' Thumbsucker. It won't shatter the fresh-o-meter, but it is a great slice of masterfully executed classic American indie - quirky (I'm sorry but the laws dictate one to use this word when discussing US indie cinema), atmospheric and gorgeous-looking, it strikes just the right balance between light and shadow. Thumbs up, indeed. (See what I did there?) Also features the Master Dunce, Keanu Reeves, as a philosophizing dentist, which is of course, like, totally rad.

World Cup Revisited

The World Cup is finally over, and, to tell you the absolute truth, I'm perfectly happy to see it go. I ranted about the quality of the tournament in my old blog already during the first round, and I 'm afraid the tournament did (too) little to significantly alter those views.

To me, this was clearly the poorest big football tournament I've had the fortune of watching. And let me just reiterate that, especially after watching this tournament, I find it somewhat baffling that football enjoys the popularity it does. I know what I'm about to say is traditionally linked with big fat American sports fans who wouldn't know "soccer" from Chinese water torture, but the truth remains: football is often horribly predictable and can be sensationally dull.

Take this tournament: no surprises, little individual magic, not much drama (unless you want to count the play-off penalty shootouts whose winner everyone except the participanting countries' own fans knew before they were taken), defense-first play tactics, and very few goals. Whoo-pee.

FIFA president Sepp Blatter was, of course , hearing none of that, instead choosing, with blatant disregard for the facts, to praise this World Cup as the best ever. Of course, he would say that, shit-grinning all the way to the bank.

To me, football has gotten too big and bloated for its own good. The players are making ever more money and the sponsorship and TV deals the governing bodies are making easily eclipse the GNPs of small continents. At the same time, the quality of play is deteriorating. If you want proof, you only need to take look at this World Cup and the Champions League of the past couple of years. Both gave us defense-oriented, low-scoring game after bloody game limping to its final whistle.

The trouble is - and it really mostly is this simple - it's become too hard to score goals in modern football; the defenses are too well honed, the players too good, and too many coaches play not to lose instead of wanting to win. Something's gotta give. You can say what you want about the Americans, but they certainly have understood something great about sports - it's entertainment, and if it fails to deliver, well, to hell with it. Sports isn't something dead serious upon which the fates of nations and the individuals within them hangs. It's bloody grown men and women running around, chasing after objects of differing sizes. So, when people in America have grown indifferent to a major sports league, they've introduced some changes to spruce things up, and with great results. The NBA and NHL have both seen the spectators returning in droves after introducing rule changes that make their respective games more audience-friendly. In this, if nothing else, Europeans should pay heed.

And what of The Headbutt Heard Around the World? Initially I was as baffled and horrified (even a bit depressed) as everyone else, but after getting over the fact that Italy undeservedly won it all, I find myself somewhat amused, even a bit sympathetic. After all, what would you do if a guy who looked like this called your mom and sister sluts? Of course, the incident has given rise to all manner of holier-than-thou huffing and puffing (sports writers are, after all, the worst offenders when it comes to knee-jerk moralism). I, however, probably liked this rather ironic take best - as it's said in the piece, "at least he went out like a G."

The Dawn of a New Era

Righty ho, so this is me starting over with this whole blog thing after being basically screwed over by the last blog provider I went with (whose name I shall leave out of this out of the kindness of my heart -- although you may or may not find the old blog here).

I'm trying to write this as I'm watching Conan; Martha Stewart is on, and she's just been released from the slammer -- which obviously means that Finland's Subtv is airing an old episode again. I really do not get the logic of this. They mostly show recent episodes with a few days' delay, but they also throw in one to three episodes dating from last year every week. How come? It doesn't make sense. If new episodes are being translated continuously, it should naturally follow that there are no breaks; that there is always a two to three-day-old episode to air. After all, where do the shows that aren't aired go? Presumably they go on the shelf to be aired some time next year, but where the hell is the sense in that? Beats me, but, then, a lot of things do.