Back Like Cooked Crack!

The Grumbler has been AWOL for quite a while but, like Johns McLane & Rambo and, of course, Dame Edna, is back with a vengeance. Or at the very least he is back, and will cease and desist with this whole third person thing shortly.

Since I haven't done this in such a long time, I have some notes on my trip to London and Paris last year that I am going to run extremely belatedly (post-humously, one could argue, given the way this blog just pulled a "Jesus"). Let's get to it.

Ghostface ft. Ne-Yo: Back Like That
(Mr. 'Face wasn't expressly referring to the Lazarus-like comeback of the Grumbler - in fact, he wasn't talking about any kind of coming back at all - but I'm assuming artistic license here.)

Assorted things I like about London

• Tea with milk and some toast on Portobello Rd.
• Near colour-blindness
  
• The wide range of cheapo books at Notting Hill Gate Book & Comic Exchange
• Dancing at Bar Rumba
• South Kensington and Knightsbridge swank

It's the Rolls-Royce Knightsbridge Collection. Ergo: this image is once again totally relevant to this post.

• British Museum
  
• Berwick St. record stores
• Dirt-cheap noodle bars in South London
• Hamsptead Heath & Hampstead Village
  
• Old Street's 333 club
  
• Doubledeckers
• A sarnie and cuppa at a greasy spoon
  
• Tate Modern
• Time Out London
• Quaint cinemas (e.g. Notting Hill Coronet)
• People being polite
• People being rude
• Brixton Market
• Tesco's & Sainsbury's salads, single-packed cakes, etc.
  
• Elephant & Castle shopping centre
• All branches of the Video & Music Exchange
  
• Sunday editions of the Guardian (Observer) and Independent
  
• Natural History Museum
• Salt & vinegar crisps
  
• Variety of cultures (Lebanese on Edgware Rd., West Indies in Brixton etc.)
• The Thames
• Brixton's Plan B club
  
• 24/7 offies. Shopping for a lil' sippy-sippy for the after-party at 4.52 a.m.? Yes, please!
  
• The tube
• Charing Cross Rd. book shops
  
• Peckham multiplex (all tickets £4.50!)
• Greenwich
• Viet restaurant
  
• St. James' Park
• Free entrance to most museums
  

Assorted things I don't like about London

• The prices
• Oxford St. at peak hours.

• Pubs' closing times (yes, the law has been altered but almost all pubs seem to insist on closing at 12 p.m. at the latest).
• How cumbersome partying can still be. (On the Sunday I was there, no place in all of Greater London stayed open for business until 4 a.m. The club I was at closed at 2 a.m. but stopped serving drinks at 12.30 a.m., which is just asinine, not to mention dragonian.)
• Tube workers striking, almost making me miss my train out of LDN.
• The ubiquitous Aussie ex-pat, never shy to establish his utterly relaxed demeanour with a nice pair of Bermuda shorts and nicely tousled locks. Surf's up, mate!
• Rude cashiers.
• Leicester Sq. cinema ticket prices. £12 to £19 to see the Bourne Ultimatum? That, as they say, is bollocks.
  
• The Suit Brigade, ie . most people working in London offices. While a suit can be very snappy on occasion, having to wear (what is usually a really bad) suit to work every day is faintly Hitleristic (yes, it's a word).
• Bloody tourists.
• Faucets (the two-faucet-one-sink installation - this is not the 50s, you know).
• Housing, which all in all is very dodgy compared to Finland.
• Posh twats.
  
• Places of business (shops, bars, clubs) not accepting credit cards - pathetic.
• Everything closing so early. Look, if you want to promote an idea of yourself as a city that never sleeps, most of everything closing at 10 or 11 p.m. is unacceptable.
• Tower Bridge £18? Piss off, mate.
  
• Pointless dress code in less-than-palatial clubs.

Pt. 2 - Paris coming up soon!